Staying Confident Through Rejection

A client asked me yesterday how he’s supposed to stay confident after the fifth “we went in another direction.”

I don’t think he liked my answer. But here’s what I told him. 

And I told him. You’re not supposed to.

Staying confident through five straight rejections in a senior job search isn’t resilience. That’s denial.

What you’re supposed to do is let it hurt for about twenty minutes, and then ask yourself a different question.
Not “why didn’t they pick me.” The honest version of that question is “was there actually information in that rejection I can use.”

Sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes the role was filled internally before you ever interviewed. That’s not a data point about you.

But sometimes, and this is the hard one, there’s a pattern across the last three no’s that’s telling you something specific.

Maybe the second interview is where you’re losing it. Maybe your salary ask is landing wrong. Maybe your answer to “why this role” is quietly revealing that you’re not sure yourself.

That’s the work. Not the confidence. The pattern recognition.

So if you’re in a long search right now, I’d gently push you toward a different question than “how do I feel better.”

Ask instead: what is this search actually trying to teach me about how I’m showing up.